Help!!

To everyone who is reading this blog, please hear me say,

How would you describe love? Some answered love is something you will find when you met someone special. Some said it is the feeling of care you felt from others who are concern about you.

These same people asked me too, what is love to me? Frankly speaking, after for so many years and girlfriends, suddenly, I'm lost. I've been so despicable that I didn't even thought about what is the truth behind couples, the truth behind holding hands or a slight peck on the cheek, the truth of love. All this time, I've been selfish and thinking that it is they who should be concern of my feelings. I've been so ignorant that I was willing to put aside the love I've own in exchange of name and fame.

Until I've met her, my life totally changed. Actually, not that fast. I've once known her as my neighbour because she used to live few houses away from mine. But soon after she moved to another residential area. nothing much happened inside me except "Aiya!! One pretty girl gone already!"

Few years past, from neighbours that just knew each other exist, we become rather close friends. But slowly, yet knowingly, I've felt a certain surge of happiness whenever I'm with her. It is then I realise, I'm in love with her. However, why I have a feeling of fear, which I never had before with all my ex? A fear of losing her, fear of not seeing her, fear of her not knowing about me deeply in love with her. Bravery had certainly flew away from my mind.

So hard to describe with words, how I wished that she knew! But what can I do, I'm powerless from this state and condition. Maybe she has her own loved one, maybe she has a boyfriend, I'm not sure, as the only wat of contacting her is by short messaging. Even glancing through her pics with other boys made my heart envenomed with jealousy. Yet, I could only embrace myself because I'm merely a friend, a friend that love this girl in secret.

Funny and unforgettable things happened between them. But, because of all these, it had cause a stir among other people. Gossips were often caught by my ears. Although I hated the gossips, I somehow thought that I wouldn't mind if their gossips were true. Sadly, it wasn't. Chatting with her became a once in a blue moon act since I left secondary school. But I still can't forget her. Even just a "haha" sms from her lightens up my day.

Soon after, she too, would be leaving secondary years. Hence, I really have no idea on how are we gonna meet each other ever again. Should I tell her this time? I missed my chance last year, and this is probably my only chance. Should I go the distance?

Fear of losing her as friend, is unavoidable. But, regardless of it, I will try to carry on. Maybe it will turn out great, maybe I'll love her secretly forever, maybe this, maybe that. But, to the girl whom I love, if you are reading this and not knowing it is you, I hope you know this...

I love you...