Wolf

Staring blankly in front of this screen of mine....

Wondering why am I one of the thousands of lupus patients in Singapore...

This week is in stark contrast compared to last's....

Last week I actually had the steam to move on....Even encouraging friends to push through the "hard times" of Mid Years....

This time I'm the one that can't even get myself up from bed properly without having my body trembling vigorously...followed by a pair of groggy eyes and a really sore throat....

Was thinking whether will this occur again during A levels...I guess right now the thing I'm worried about is not even the results that I might get for my As....But rather will I even step into the examination hall....If so, in what condition will I be?

Going through what is dubbed the hardest turning point in your life with a medical condition that greatly cuts down your outdoor activity time, energy, and perhaps life span isn't much of a choice for me now...

I'm wondering if my lupus flares up, which part of my body will it strike this time...

Choice A: Kidneys

Got hit by this last year....Was on level 4/5....was close to level 6....Yeap...It pretty much sounded like the 6 levels from WHO on pandemics....reaching level 6 means bye bye world...Anyway...Had to go through a low fat and low salt diet so that my kidneys could recover...Heck...That's not even because I ate a lot of fast food...Oh...and I used to be on a low protein diet too...and no sugary drinks.....

Choice B: Dermatological related

Oops...I mean skin..It's not really a choice actually...It's typically one of the easiest way to identify a lupus patient....Well....Mine was not noticed early....Perhaps that was my luck? Went to see several doctors because of this rash on my nose...Which I think stunned the doctors because they could not find a cure to it? Most probably it's because they thought that it was purely dermatological....Not something within my genes....Oh well....Secondary school friends used to re-sing "Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer" using my name instead....Funny that I actually became one...And no...it's no gift from Santa Claus too..

Choice C: Muscloskeletal

Mostly joint pains related...that actually explains why I'm suffering from wrist pains when I'm writing for extended periods...ie MID YEARS.....and I just found out that having this disease actually increases my risk of having bone fractures...Great.....Means I can no longer bang myself on the wall without having a crack on my head...

Choice D: Blood type

This is what I think I will be having for a long....long....long time....Low blood cell count, low platelet count....In other words...I'm super vulnerable to cuts, abrasions and pathogens...Once hit and I'm on my way to TTSH.....Had 3 super long weeks there with old people....Not intending to go back there again...

Choice E: Chest

Not really chest.....Just decided to combine the heart and lungs together so I won't scare off my readers...There's a possibillity that my heart will be imflammed...which could mean that I could have a super tired heart that is crying to stop....Well...technically a heart cannot stop right? The rest is guess work for you....Lungs would shrink if attacked which may explain why I have this super low stamina right now...

Choice F: Neuro related

I guess this is what I'm having right now....mood disorder....anxiety problems...and just read that the headaches that I'm having is due to lupus too...Worse cases includes psychosis...Seizures..and cognitive disorder....hmm...

Choice G: Others

Currently having right now...Unexplained pain...poor sleep quality...depression....fatigue....

Wondering why I always tell others that my disease is not complicated at all....Perhaps that action gotten my that IB photo which is sitting beside my bed right now..Perhaps it's an award for being able to hide all my problems from the others?

Things really are different since last June...And it's more than a year since I was diagnosed...Wondering why I'm still having problems with this sickness..

Systemic means pertaining to the body as a whole...

Apparently it is affecting me as a whole.....physically...mentally and emotionally...

Lupus got it's name from the facial rash that looks as if the person got attacked by a wolf...

Hmm...Perhaps it's my fate that I chose a lone wolf as my background?

It's not about being a lone wolf anymore...

Now it's more of I'm the one being attacked by this lone wolf...