Just read a blog post from a person who has a lupus patient for a friend...Her friend died not long ago due to stress from overworking...

A Filipina, she came over to Singapore to work at some company at Kallang.... Her boss was pressing her too much apparently, although she was asking for sick leave due to her frequent cases of fever...

Hmmm...thinking again...

Couldn't really sleep tonight....Although in a few hours time I would be at the hospital for my monthly checkup...

Although family and friends, even friends that I've haven't spoke to them for months have supported me in battling lupus, I guess that sometimes, there are things that we could not stop worrying about?

Just like what the blogger said, stress can be a silent killer, a more potent one if you have underlying medical conditions that can be easily offset by stress.....Needless to say, I'm on the list...

Some people just could not understand how it actually feels like being 'dead'...not literally, but rather....somewhat similar....Practically because no one ever lived to actually describe the feeling of being dead....Well...how about....being mentally conscious and aware of your own surroundings but could not lift a finger or make a grunt?

People keep telling me that I should prioritise health above studies right now...But could anyone think in this perspective? Who knows whether my health would be in a better state in future? My point being, keeping my health in check does not justify that I can just take my A levels as if it's just another lecture test.... Is it ok to no do well for A levels?

Someone actually mentioned about it's alright....I could always retake A levels....Yeah right...After more than a year and a half of painstaking work that I have been through? My body have been receiving enough batterings already....Don't you think that one A levels in a lifetime is enough?

It's really hard to convey things over to people when they are just too oblivious to see the big picture of my problem...Some fear for not completing their work in time to submit to Chem tutors...I worry about whether I could open my eyes to greet the morning sun...

It's really hard to fight off the numero uno question that has been haunting me since 17 June 2008....Why me? Why me? Why me?

I don't want to hate the sun that I used to love a lot...I did a lot of things under the sun that gives light and life....I played basketball under the sun...I ran under the sun....Scouts training was under the sun too...

And now...Even just a brisk walk under the afternoon sun would tire me and I start to become dizzy and weak...Quite ironic to receive such experience from the life giving sun....

I missed the times when I went jogging with my dad...Where I could run as long as I like...And when I feel that I had enough jogging, I could join my friends right away to play a game of basketball.....perhaps two!

Now...Climbing up the stairs is already enough to make my heart pound for half the tutorial period..

The first solid thing I swallow everyday is not something people call food....Literally because they call it by another name...Something that I'm quite sure that I'm stuck to for the rest of my life...

Imagine eating those and having the thought that they might be merely placebos....I would be terribly draining my family's financial strength, obviously they could use it for other better purposes...

Hmm....Is it worth it?